I’m sitting outside right now, having a smoke. I’m disappointed. All I can think of is how did things end up the way they are today. I’ve realized and been told many times that I’m a good person. Someone who’s honest, down to earth, and a great friend to those who know me the best. I’ve always done my best to be there for people who need me. I’ve tried so hard to please the ones who I felt deserved it. Yet I sit here, feeling used. I feel like the nicer and more genuine I’ve become, the more shit I go through. People are very quick to take advantage of me every chance they get. A very select amount of people get better treatment from me than myself. So why am I sitting here feeling like this?
Before when I didn’t give a shit about anyone but myself, more people were apt to do anything they could to be a part of my life. Now people sell me out, use me, and make me feel like I don’t matter to them as much as I did in the past. But why? Because I’m nicer? More giving? Why do people strive on negativity? Why does it take a man being an asshole for others to pay attention to him?
I feel like all of this is so backwards today. Inside out and upside down. What happened to people being real? Being able to feel, and smile, and have a good time without expecting anything in return but being able to go to bed at night knowing you’ve just had a great day.
Today going to bed at night warrants feelings of acceptance if you were to avoid waking up the next morning.
Smile, appreciate the ones that treat you well, show them your appreciation. Stop just taking taking taking. My soul, my care and love. It means something. If not to you, it does to me. And that should matter.